Reliable Sources

The following is an excerpt from OpinionJournal.com’s “Best of the Web” written by the editor, James Taranto.

Reliable Sources
“[Football coach] Urban Meyer is walking away from [the University of] Florida because of health concerns, according to a person with knowledge of the situation,” the Associated Press reports from Gainesville:

Meyer has a recurring burning sensation in his chest that doctors told him last week would raise cardiovascular risk factors if he continued to coach, the person told The Associated Press Sunday on condition of anonymity because Meyer’s health issues are confidential.

Hey, AP, you can reveal your source now that Meyer’s health issues are no longer confidential.

Willy McFly
It started off as a normal Friday afternoon. We filed our column and went off to the gym. We tuned the TV on the exercise machine to CNN (the communist YMCA doesn’t get Fox News), and there was Bill Clinton, delivering a White House news conference!

We could’ve sworn Barack Obama was president. Was this an elliptical machine or a time machine?

Then we took a careful look and saw the white hair. This was the 21st-century Bill Clinton, not the 1990s one. So what was going on? Had the former president and the secretary of state staged a coup?

Finally we figured it must be time travel. “So, look,” Bill Clinton told reporters, “I’m a Depression-era kid ” Obviously what happened was the Clinton went back in time and arranged it so that he was born in 1936 rather than 1946. That explained how it could still be the 1990s and yet he had white hair.

There’s only one thing we need to prove our theory. Mr. President, we demand to see your birth certificate!

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